John King



By John King

Indiana could feel a tooth swim around in the blood foaming out of her mouth as the woman, one of two RCMP officers, held her wrists from behind.

“Quit fighting. You’re only going to make it worse,” she told Indiana before sticking her right leg between the  prisoner’s. The officer took a hold of the girl’s dark hair and scraped her face against the cement to emphasize the point. “I think I’ve had just about enough of you.”

“Fuck you,” Indiana replied. There was the concrete wall she was pushed up against and the way it made her face cold when the rest of her burned. She needed out and they kept telling her she wasn’t going anywhere. That made her burn.

She was sick of being pushed around and could hear ringing in her ears as anger gave her strength enough to push back against the woman. Slamming her elbow into the officer, Indiana whipped around, tearing herself free. Before either of the dumbfounded officers could react, Indiana wound up a right and clocked her square in the nose. Had there been more strength behind the 18 year old’s blow, it might have broken the officer’s nose.

“Fucking little bitch. Better add assaulting an officer to the list now honey. Come on Andy, get the hell in here and help,” she roared to her partner, who looked as some men do when watching two women locked in a cat fight. “We have to strip her. Take her jeans off,” she said as she fought Indiana to the ground.

A wave of dizziness hit Indiana and she began to choke, coughing up blood.

“What’s wrong with her?” Andy asked.

“Doped pretty good I would say,” she replied directing her attention to Indiana. “You take any drugs?”

Indiana glared at the two hunkered over her. Before she went black, she thought about what was inside her as her heart pumped cocaine through her body so fast and strong it almost broke her.


“Ah, my old friend,” he said to Carpenter.

Old Blue sat in the soft light of the pool table lamps. He sat where he always sat – in the corner booth of the pool hall, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. The old man waved Carpenter to sit down across from him. “Good to see you, thought you might’ve skipped town.”

“Now why would I go and do a thing like that, Blue?” Carpenter asked.

“Ah, I know you wouldn’t kid, I know,” Old Blue said as he waved over a waitress. “What’ll it be, gin on the rocks?”

“Yeah, that’ll be good Blue.”

“Never understood why you drink the stuff, not til I remembered your mother used to drink it. She was a real beauty, a real class act, your mother. I remember she would have her suitors wait outside her house. Rain or shine, she would make them wait, taking her sweet time as she spied on them. That’s what I remember about your mother. Those damned suitors standing in the rain, it’s my last memory of her,” Old Blue said, shaking his head.

“It was our last Christmas together. She took me on a vacation to Hawaii. We went to this beach. She said the lifeguard told her a giant sea turtle was in the bay. So I went out, and I found it. I found that turtle. That’s my last memory of her, Blue,” Carpenter said.

Old Blue folded his newspaper. “So, kid, where’s your better half these days? Never see her around no more.”

“Oh, you know Blue, keeping her hidden away from view.”

“All to yourself?”

“Yep, all to myself.”

“It’ll never work, kid. You should just leave it alone, but you won’t will ya?”

“What’ll never work, Blue?”

“You and her.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re smart kid, I always liked you. I told your mother I’d keep an eye out for you. This thing you have, this girl, it’s no good. Leave it alone,” he said before taking a sip of his coffee.

Old Blue had never liked Indiana. The first time Carpenter brought her in, Old Blue said she was a black cat, bad luck, and chased her out. Now as Old Blue stared him down with those Frank Sinatra look-alike’s, Carpenter wasn’t too sure what to do. He had a plan coming in but now Old Blue had turned the whole thing into a poker game.

He supposed Old Blue already knew and was playing dumb. If that was the case, Carpenter’s chances of staying alive weren’t good considering the drug debt he owed.

“Kid, it never ends.”

“What never ends, Blue?” Carpenter asked downing the last of his drink.

“I think you know. You better have another one,” the old man said waving over the waitress.

“No, I gotta go Blue, sorry, things to do, you know,” Carpenter said getting up.

“Yeah, I know. Why don’t ya just sit down and have another. One more on me, old friend,” Old Blue said.


The cigarette hung from the tips of Richard’s fingers when he fell asleep. It dropped to the carpet floor and smouldered there until his wife came home. She picked up the cigarette, put it into the ashtray and slapped her husband as he slept.

“Fuck you doing?” he asked her.

“Bastard,” she said walking into the kitchen.

He shook his head and stood. The living room was silent. The television was turned on with the sound muted. Some boxing program was airing the Rumble in the Jungle. Richard thought about the day on an American army base when he watched the fight live on television drinking beers under the mesh of a mess tent with a dozen or so other officers.

Half the men rooted for George Foreman, who was younger, and packed a giant wallop. The rest chose to stick with the Champ, the veteran boxer who never joined the Vietnam War like they did. They all respected him for that.

Richard shook his head. His mind ricocheted back to the living room where the sounds of pots and pans rumbled out of the kitchen. He followed his wife into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame.

“What you cooking?” he asked.

“The fuck you care,” she replied reaching for some pancake mix.

“You gonna make me some?”

“Fat chance.”

“So when’s this going to end?”

“Quit asking so many questions.”

Richard walked to the kitchen table and sat down just as there was a knock on the back door of the house that led into the kitchen.

“Jesus,” his wife said as she froze.

“I’ll be right back,” Richard said.

He opened the door and stepped out.

“So?” he asked closing the door behind him.

“She’s out, bail hearing this afternoon, faster than we thought. She told her whole story to me,” the man standing in the shadows said.

Richard nodded and went back inside his house. He sat down and watched his wife’s dress dance along her thighs as she made her pancakes.

“You know, I really could use some of those. It’s gonna be a cold night,” he said.

“Make your own.”

“I don’t wanna make my own.”

“Fuck off.”

“You fuck off.”

She swung around with the flipper in hand and pointed it at him. Mouth half open, eyes dangerous, she stared at her husband. “Don’t you tell me to fuck off.”

“Fuck off.”

She turned back around and flipped a pancake with a loud flop.


Indiana kept making those hissing sounds, the kind she always made when she was impatient about something.

“You take forever, come on already,” she said.

Carpenter brought the tip of a lighter to the blackened bottom of the spoon he held and lit a spark to cook the cocaine mixed with water and baking soda on top. The baking soda and water bubbling, the drug began to condense into a smaller more powerful hit than before.

“There, it’s ready,” Indiana said.

“Not quite,” Carpenter answered, glancing over at her.

“Don’t spill it.”

“I got it,” he said as he relit the lighter. “Give me a shiny penny.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Look for one.”

She lifted her hips as Carpenter glanced sideways at her. Aside from a missing front tooth, a scrape along her cheek and some bruises on her neck, she was no worse for wear. In fact, if you didn’t know it, you’d never suspect just hours before her stomach was pumped after overdosing on a fortune in crack. Seven balloons and one pops in the middle of being arrested. Carpenter was both mad and happy with her, mad because they were now forced to hit the road and happy because she was back in his line of sight.

Indiana checked her pockets for change. Using her shoulder blades to prop herself up, she slipped a hand into her pocket and found a penny. She hooked it with her finger, fished it out and held it against the vehicle’s interior light.

“Weird,” she said. “I didn’t know I had that.”

“Better keep it,” Carpenter said.

“Just a penny.”

“It’s your good luck penny.”

“I never believed in lucky pennies.”


“Come on, quit screwing around.”

Taking the penny, Carpenter started to dab at the cloud of sticky cocaine in the centre of the spoon before lifting it out and putting it on his pack of cigarettes.

“Pipe?” he asked her.

“Let me go first.”

“Gimme the pipe.”

“Let me go first,” she said again before breaking off a piece of the hardening rock. She eased it into one end of a pipe full of steel wool, which had been hidden in her other hand, before snatching Carpenter’s lighter from him. “Finders keepers.”

She tilted her head back and lifted the pipe over her mouth. She lit the end, melting the cocaine before bringing her head back down – eyes level with Carpenter. The pair stared at each other, his green eyes meeting her wide brown eyes as she worked the lighter and pipe – inhaling a deep breath. Exhaling, she closed her eyes and was still a moment before she shook when Carpenter touched her hand. She opened her eyes.

“Don’t look at me. You always look at me when I have a blast,” she said.

He turned away and glanced out the window. From behind the driver’s wheel Carpenter watched snow collect along the car window as the blizzard outside drowned out the dark skyline in front of them.

“Snow’s getting worse, should probably get a move on before we get stuck out here,” Carpenter said.

“I wish we could stay stuck out here in the snow forever,” she said, her words drifting far apart from one another in a lazy sort of way.

Carpenter realized he forgotten about the penny and handed it over to Indiana. “It’s your lucky penny even if you don’t believe in lucky pennies.”

She looked at him and took the penny. “So, where we going anyways?” she asked.

“Well that depends on what you told them.”

“I told them everything. Why else would I be out?”

“Okay then, I guess we gotta go as far as we can.”


“Yeah, like a couple of outlaws.”

“You’re dreaming.”

“Yeah well, it’s a nice dream. We might as well keep on dreaming since neither of us will get into the U.S. in the first place.”

“I know a place we can sneak across. My dad showed me when he took me to North Dakota.”

“North Dakota?”

“Yeah, he took me there once to see a healer – some sort of shaman or something I guess.”

“Why he do that?”

“I was dying.”

“Dying of what?”

“I don’t remember.”

“What do you mean you don’t remember? You never told me about this before.”

“I’ve never told anyone before.”

“Well, did he heal you?”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“Mexico it is then,” Carpenter said, ignoring her and turning the car back on.

“Carpenter, I was pregnant.”

She turned to him, the corner of her mouth lifting in that way he loved so much before breaking as a tear slipped from her eye. He took her hand and didn’t say anything for a long time.

“When did you find out?” he asked.

“In the hospital but I always kinda knew.”

He reached over and kissed her cheek. She leaned into him. For a moment they were close. And she cried.

“Oh Carpenter I lost it. I lost the baby.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Carpenter, why do people like us always choose Mexico?” she asked.

“Because it’s so darn cold here.”

Indiana smiled and wiped her tear away.

“I love it when you smile Indy.”

“Yeah you do, do yah. Well get a move on then boy. We got a lot of driving to do. How much you got left?”

“Um, about fifteen after posting bail.”

“That makes two thousand between us. Think it’s enough?”

“No,” Carpenter said as he put the car into gear and started backing out. The car strained a second before plopping back down where it had been parked. “See, we’re stuck.”

The door of the car opened and a masked man knocked Carpenter unconscious. The man reached over and grabbed Indiana by the hair. He dragged Indiana out of the car. She kicked and screamed as he tied her hands and feet with cloth. He opened the back door. He threw her in and tied her to a door handle. The man tied Carpenter’s hands and feet as well. Before slamming the doors to the car shut, the man poured gasoline over Indiana and pulled out a book of matches. Then he lit her on fire.


As the flames ate them, Carpenter walked down a set of creaky wooden stairs to the beach he visited when he was a child. He looked for Indiana on the steps. He could not find her.

At the bottom of the stairs, his mother waited for him. The wind whipped the white beach dress she wore into the warm air as she pointed out across the bay. She told him of the giant sea turtle seen swimming there. Carpenter walked to the water and the cold of it struck his ankles. He looked back to his mother who smiled and waved him on.

Turning to the bay, Carpenter waded deeper into the water as the sun hit the waves further out. Waist deep, he dived in and began to swim before taking a deep breath. Sinking below the water, Carpenter drifted into the shelves of a coral reef. Getting deeper and farther, the shelves became steep and tall as a rainbow of fish followed him, surrounding him.

Carpenter caught a glimpse of the giant sea turtle as it weaved through the reef. Carpenter swam chasing, reaching out. The sea turtle led him deeper into the reef – deeper and farther into the waters.

Ghosts under the ice

by John King

Paul remembered the Dene man who traps from a log cabin in the forest. They called him Tobaccojuice. He invited Paul and Brigitte into his cabin late one evening when they had knocked on his door.

Tobaccojuice gave them coffee and asked they sit with him beside the stove. He presented them some chairs, and the couple sat down. Then Tobaccojuice told them a story.

When the Dene traded with the Hudson Bay Company a hundred years ago, there was a group from his tribe who trapped more beaver than anyone else. Tobaccojuice said people from other tribes, jealous of their catch, started talking about a woman among them who sold her soul to an evil spirit that hunted humans. When they began their trek to trade their furs at a nearby frontier post, a competing tribe slaughtered them at the banks of a lake known for good fish.

He said there were ghosts under the ice from when they were slaughtered for the animal skins they carried to the fur post. He said when you pass over the ice you can hear their screams. But sometimes it’s just the wind, he said.

When Paul and Brigitte left, they shook Tobaccojuice’s hand and thanked him for the company. They asked him about where the lake was, and he told them.

Paul remembered listening to Tobaccojuice tell his story as he walked with Brigitte in single file through the forest. They were four months into their time living across the sandy forest looking for oil in the dirt. It was late November, and the sand lay frozen under a deep blanket of snow that had covered the region two days ago. It had been the first big snowfall of the season. Paul and Brigitte weathered the storm in their company trailer sipping brandy while they listened to the radio and talked about their findings. They worked for an American oil company. They were gathering information about the region before the brass moved in to start digging for the oil found in the sand.

Now that it was winter, the place was different than it was in summer. It was a strange country to Paul. Of course Brigitte loved it and wanted to stay on longer. She wanted to record the stories the aboriginals told to her. But he missed their life in Seattle. He told her not to bother and she grew angry and silent. They hadn’t spoken much since morning when they fought. He woke her up after a video conference with the bosses back in Texas. They weren’t happy. Shares were down and investors cranky about spending a few billion on a project that wasn’t for certain. Of course they knew it was for real.

The temperature was dropping fast. The engineers called a day ago and warned them about a storm to hit tonight. He knew they shouldn’t be out. Maybe they should even be back in town – that tiny village at the end of the road.

While lost in thought Paul didn’t notice Brigitte had stopped ahead of him and he bumped into her.

“See that?” she asked.

They had been walking through a thin forest of pine trees somewhere at the outskirts of their camp. Paul watched the air escape from her mouth before following her gaze. He liked to watch her breathe, his eyes almost always drawing to her full thick lips that turned deep pink in the cold.

“There’s something ahead of us,” she said.

“You sure? We’re pretty far out. Be no hunters here this time of year, you think?”

“Don’t know. They’ll be out anytime.”

She shivered and bent down to take off her backpack.

She unzipped the top and pulled out a pair of binoculars. “Be getting dark soon,” she said.

“Yeah. Better we get back to camp sooner than later,” he answered.

Brigitte had been a photographer when he met her at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. It had been the last leg of her journey across the globe. They met when a Navajo girl proposed Brigitte take a picture of her. He had found them while taking a hike along the Colorado. The Navajo girl smiled at them and after Brigitte took her photograph the girl disappeared among the tall rocks. They looked for her, but didn’t find her, and spent the night together.

Two years later on her twenty-fifth birthday, Brigitte climbed Mount Everest and hugged a Sherpa at the top of the world. He was jealous of her when she told him about it, and drank that night knowing he could never be better than the world she so loved.

“Could be a moose or deer,” Paul offered.

“Have we been here before?” she asked.

Paul dug out the map and traced back the land they had covered the past week. “Don’t think so. Why?”

“Seems familiar.”

“How’s that?”

“Don’t know.”

“You see anything?”

She had lifted the binoculars to her eyes and was scanning through the trees. “Oh shit,” she said, dropping the binoculars.


“There is something out there.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t know.”

“Is it that damned old Indian?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Come on, lets go.”


She was silent for a time before putting the binoculars back into her backpack. “How far we out?”

“About an hour hard walk. Be getting dark in two hours.”

“There’s something up there.”

“Let me take a look.”

“Nah. It’s good. I’m going to check it out.”

“Like hell you are.”

She lifted herself up and started forward. Paul grabbed her arm and held her back. “Brigitte, the gun’s back in camp at your orders. We don’t have the time or protection to go hunting right now.”

“I don’t know Paul, but it’s not an animal. It looks human. We gotta go and check it out. Come on.”

He followed her. The forest was silent as it always is in the dead of winter. In the weeks before, the land froze as storms rushed in from the emptiness of the north and drowned the forests. They both knew one of these storms was heading in, and the temperature was dropping by the minute.

They entered a patch of birch trees. The thing about birch is they have these markings on them – these notches – that look like eyes. It always bothered Paul to be surrounded by trees watching.

“It was here I swear to God,” she said stopping.

“Brigitte? There’s nothing here.”

“I can see that Paul.”

They stood and waited for something to happen but nothing did. She carried on.

“Come on Brigitte, let’s go back. There’s coffee on and that fresh bread those elder women made us. Aren’t you getting hungry?”

“Go if you want.”

“What has gotten into you?”

“I don’t know. I feel strange.”

“Strange? Well, all the more reason to get back to camp. You know our warm trailer with heat, hot water, music, coffee, maybe a glass of brandy. All those good things. Come on honey, let’s go back.”

“We will Paul. We will. Let’s go just a little further. We still have time, right?”

Paul glanced at his watch. “Well, it’s three thirty-three. We got about an hour and a half before we need flashlights. After that, we got about an hour’s worth of light before they go out. If we’re not back in camp, the company will call at seven. If we don’t answer, they’ll track our GPS.”

“Oh come on Paul. You’re always thinking the worst. Nothing’s going to happen to us.”

She reached out her hand to him. There was a giant space between them but he reached out for her. She pulled him close to her and kissed him. They stood alone in the forest and the silent things around them closed in and watched. “Come on,” she said smiling. “Just a little further.”

“Always the adventurer.”


They moved under the gathering darkness. The clouds swirled over the trees and silence.

They broke through the forest and stood before a frozen pool of water. It was one of those lakes the aboriginals say are sacred.

The untouched snow lay out before them, as the trees leaned in sipping on the cleanness of the place.

“Isn’t it beautiful Paul?”

He looked at his watch again. “Ah, real beautiful. But we better get a move on.”

“Oh come on don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud. This is an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When’s the next time we’ll be here? Never. Look at this place. Come on, really look.”

She turned to Paul, reached up to his chin, and made him look.

“See. Look. You’re smiling. Told you. We’ll remember this place for the rest of our lives. Paul?”

There was something strange in her voice and he turned back to her. She was staring up at him. “Paul, will you marry me?”

She took his hands in hers. “When we’re done here and back home, will you marry me?” She squeezed his hands tight and he reached down to kiss her.

“Of course I will,” he answered.


She bounced back and scanned the lake again.

“Shit,” she said.


Paul blinked as she pointed to the other side of the lake where a black spot against the snow moved along the edge of the lake – along the shore toward them.

“See it?”


“What is that?” she said getting out her binoculars.

He took a look around. The tops of the trees moved and the eyes of the birch trees swayed back and forth around them. “All birch trees,” Paul muttered.

“What’s that dear?” Brigitte asked as she lifted the binoculars to her eyes.

“There aren’t any other trees here but birch trees. I hate their eyes.”

She was silent as she focused her lenses on the thing coming toward them. Paul watched as the wind whirled and created a thin wisp of a tornado along the snow and ice. It moved in circles near the centre of the lake.

“Well, what is it?” he asked.

“It’s stalking us.”

A shiver ran up Paul’s spine.

“Stalking us? What’s stalking us Brigitte?”

She put down the binoculars and walked out onto the lake ice. Paul stared after her not understanding what she was doing. “Brigitte? Come on now, that ice might be too thin. Where are you going?”

He picked up her binoculars and backpack she had left and took a quick glance at whatever had been moving toward them but it was gone.

“Come on honey don’t be crazy. Where the hell are you going?” he said, turning to her.

But she was gone.

“Brigitte?” He screamed.

Paul followed her tracks out on to the ice. At twenty feet they stopped and she was nowhere to be seen. Paul spun around as the wind kicked up.

The Dene call it the blow. Sometimes people freeze to death just feet from their homes because they can’t see where they’re going.

The storm fell from the sky then, and when Paul heard the screams, he started to run. He fell down and tried to hide his face from the wind and snow. “Brigitte,” he screamed again.

A shadow moved toward him.

“Brigitte. Thank God. I thought I lost you,” he said.

The screams grew louder when the shadow stood before him. He started to cry, his tears freezing to his face as he stood and ran away from the shadow. There were ghosts under the ice, Paul knew that now. They screamed as they watched from below.

By sunrise the storm had moved south onto the Prairies. The ravens gathered on the ice because now there was a frozen body to pick at. They needed food this time of year because there was nothing to eat in the middle of birch trees.


by John King

For Charles King

Nobody at Adrian’s office called for help. So he started walking home under the early morning street lamps, dull as a grey sky without a sun swirled. He crossed a bridge, and walked up the long, steep hill as robins called to him from the leafy spring trees. They reminded him of his children, Brittany aged five, and James aged seven. They would be walking to school with Doris now, their next-door neighbour who took them every day, along with her own.

He could see Brittany’s bright red coat, her white hat, and hear her giggle as she ran ahead, her brother James chasing her. Early one morning last week, James woke up when he heard his dad, and plopped himself down at the table as Adrian sat drinking coffee. Adrian stared at his son before getting up to cook his son pancakes. Adrian wiped peanut butter across the pancakes, and then smothered raspberry jam on top. He poured a tall class of orange juice and sat across from James watching him devour the pancakes. Somehow, to James, they always tasted better at home when dad made them. Adrian learned how to make pancakes from scratch when he lived on the farm with his grandparents.

Adrian saw the sun slipping in through the half-open window overlooking the fields which stretched upward to the top of the hill where he had lived as a child.

“That good, eh, cowboy?” Adrian asked. James looked up and smiled. A big goopy chunk of peanut butter hung from his face. “Here, let me get that for ya.” Adrian leaned forward and wiped the peanut butter with his index finger from his son’s face.

“Dad,” James said, squirming in his seat, not liking the show of affection – a big smile covering his face nonetheless.

James smiling face disappeared, and Adrian dropped to his knees. He couldn’t see straight. The sweat poured off his forehead. Someone reached down and helped him back to his feet.

“You okay man?” asked the stranger. Adrian glanced at him, thinking all he wanted to do was lay down and put his face against the cold concrete of the sidewalk. “Man, you don’t look so good, come on, let me help you.”

Adrian pulled away. He left the stranger behind him as he started to run up the hill. There were a thousand voices inside his head. They screamed now. He was in a panic and as he ran, he glanced upwards, past the limbs of the Japanese Cherry trees in the beginning of new blossoms. He had run under the canopy of these trees without knowing. And beyond their blooms, a bit of blue sky appeared in the grey above him, and he felt like he was going sideways. He ran into the street and fell down, his face scraping along the semi-wet pavement.

A car came to a screeching halt. The driver rushed out. Traffic stopped then, and James could feel his heart start to unravel in his chest. He walked into some dream. He must have. Yes, that was it, he thought. This was all just a dream, some kind of nightmare from which he would wake.

Constance stood in the middle of the room looking down at her husband, Adrian, who slept with his arms folded atop his chest. She watched his stomach lift and rise. She glanced at her watch. They’d be here soon. She sat down. Her brother and his wife were on their way, having decided to come back home from vacation in Europe. She was grateful. She needed the company. Adrian had been gone for three whole days now. She used the word gone because that’s how she saw it; he just slept the days away. She couldn’t wake him, get him back. He was just gone. The doctor told her he suffered a massive stroke. She asked about his recovery, and leaned into the doctor who held her upright. She sat down in a chair and watched person after person pass by, each on a gurney with wheels screeching down the hallway.

Later, she fell asleep. Her brother, Christian, woke her when he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She smiled, rose out of her chair, and embraced her brother. He was the strong type. A jock. And not just the couch potato kind either. The real deal.

In the winters, when the dugout used to water the cattle froze over, Christian would haul out his hockey nets. His whole world revolved around winter. She was the older sibling by four years, and she remembered the first Christmas he received a pair of black, worn-out hockey stakes – hand-me-downs from a cousin. He was only four at the time. His eyes lit up and he was out the door before mom or dad could get his jacket on him. Every day he was out on the dugout, skating. He took to it naturally, and it wasn’t long before he was gifted his first set of goalie equipment. He looked ridiculous to her, like some pumped up little monkey skating around out on the ice. He didn’t have nets then, so he just skated around in his goalie stuff. She didn’t know why. None of them knew why. He was strange that way. But when he did get his nets, he dragged her out onto the ice of every day winter gave him, and had her shoot pucks at him. He declared himself Ron Hextall. Whoever that was.

“How you doing sis?” Christian asked.

“Good. You know, hanging in there best I can.”

The three of them sat down on chairs Constance collected. They sat in silence a long time before any of them spoke.

“So, what happened?” Christian asked.

Constance took him in then. Her normally stoic little brother, battled hardened with scars and injuries she couldn’t see from the years playing professional hockey, looked small to Constance. He looked weak and scared to her. There was the smell of fear pervading the room as the closed Venetian hospital blinds tapped against the side of the wall. She stood and walked over to them, opened them. A grey wash of midday glare stretched into the room. She walked back to her seat.

“There,” she said, smiling. “I don’t know. He was walking home, I think. He just collapsed on the street.”

“The street?” Helen asked.

“I think so,” Constance replied.

“Then what happened?” Christian asked.

“A taxi driver called the ambulance. They brought him here.”

“Sorry we didn’t get back sooner, we tried-” Christian said before he was interrupted.

The door to the hospital room opened and Adrian’s doctor walked in. He smiled at the three seated before him. “Good afternoon,” he said, walking over to his patient. After checking Adrian’s vitals, he pulled up a folded chair that had been resting along the wall beside Adrian. He unfolded the chair and sat down. He looked at Constance and smiled again, then glanced over at Christian and Helen. “So, your brother made it. “ The doctor reached over and shook Adrian and Helen’s hand. “I’m sure you’re all anxious to know about Adrian’s condition? So I’ll get right down to it. Adrian’s suffered a severe stroke for his age. At 46, I’ve never seen someone as healthy as Adrian suffer this kind of massive hemorrhage. It has been quite a shock for all of us, including the staff here at VGH. I assure you, however, we have put the expertise of this hospital one hundred percent behind Adrian. We believe he has a chance at some form of recovery. That he will lead a healthy, productive life after this. It will take time of course, time and patience, and hard work, on everyone’s part.” The doctor stopped there and took in the reactions of those gathered before him. Then he carried on.

Christian couldn’t focus on the doctor’s words any longer. Instead he thought about the small journal he discovered when he helped his sister and brother-in-law move to their new house. It was leather-bound, worn, and held together by a thousand different entries. He didn’t tell anyone about the journal. It was the only thing he ever stole in his life. He took it home and read each and every journal entry there was. And when he was done, he reread them, and sitting in the bleached hospital room, he could smell the old leather book as if it were in his hand. The journal entries consisted of various quotations, observations – all the kind of stuff one generally finds in such books. But it was the last entry in the journal Christian remembered.

It read:

I am not a superhero anymore.

And that was it. It scared Christian. He was no superhero either. And with Adrian going down to this thing, this monster – this stroke – he’d have to pick up the slack and help his big sis out with James and Brittany. He bet they were scared like him. He was so scared shitless, it hurt. He was sick in the airplane restroom on the way home. He sat in the tiny space that stunk of peroxide staring at the mirror. Adrian was close, too close. In fact, this whole thing was too close. He had stayed in the airplane restroom until he could hear his wife’s frantic knocking on the door. He slid open the door, let her in, and took hold of her. The airplane stewardess let them be, and directed passengers to the other restroom on the far end of the airplane.

They stayed with Constance for several more days at the hospital, day and night, before finally taking the journey back home to get some rest. Christian finished his hockey season early because of a back injury, the same one he suffered the year before and the year before that. Now his back hurt all the time. They decided to travel to France with little Lizzy, their newborn baby girl. She was a quiet child, never cried, and was the perfect companion for a getaway – one where Christian could gather his thoughts and figure out his next move. His agent was on the case. His team would drop him in about a month and go with the rookie. He’d have to find another team, but his agent, Cody “Sure Thing” Grant, was good. Real good. Told Christian, a deal with another team was already in the works.

When they finally arrived back home, the bright-eyed nanny opened the door for them, happy to see them home after several days in the city. She asked about Adrian, and neither Helen nor Christian could bear to talk about it. So she stopped asking, and made the pair a late dinner. When she finished preparing the homemade Mac and Cheese, for which she had gained fame in the neighbourhood, she left the couple alone after taking out a good bottle of French wine along with two glasses. Just for good measure, the nanny thought before leaving.

Halfway through the Mac and Cheese, and all the way through the French wine, Christian stood up and looked out the window at the tall spruce trees standing in the slight breeze of the backyard. They always looked so strong. Today, they looked weak, and like cowards. Perhaps they were cowards because he felt like a coward, and so he turned around and looked at his wife, who had gone up and taken little Lizzy out of her crib. She glistened in Helen’s arms, like a bright water thing having jumped out of the ocean. A little dolphin, or something similar. Helen looked up, saw Christian’s expression.

“What is it dear?” she asked.

“Don’t know,” he replied.

“It’s something.”

“No, it’s nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Oh come on now, I know you better than that. Come over here and sit down with me. Tell me about it.” She reached down and patted the stool beside her. They had eaten at the counter in the kitchen, where they normally have their meals. He came over and sat down next to her and put his head in his arms with a big sigh.

“Oh, come on now big boy. Don’t you do that. Don’t you put your head down like that. Sit up straight so I can see you. Come on now.”

He did as he was told, and just then a tear slipped down his check. She reached out to him and brushed it away. Lizzy yawned, opened her eyes, and stared at her father. He looked down at her and touched her cheek. She always smiles when he does this, and this time, was no exception.

“Hey Lizzy, what you thinking little girl?” Christian asked his daughter. She giggled and yawned some more. He glanced back at Helen and tried to smile.

“Oh, you can do better than that. Try again.” He tried again. “That’s better. So, you gonna tell me about it?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s just. You know. I’m getting old you know.”

“So am I honey.”

“You know what I mean. I think. I think with Adrian going down the way he did, leaving my sis like that with James and Brittany, I don’t know. I just can’t imagine leaving you and Lizzy like that. You know, going out like a star blinking out.”

“Aww, baby, you ain’t blinking out like a star. Come on.”

“I just. You know, there’s this pain in my back all the time. It hurts.”

“I know.”

“It hurts bad, and the doctors say it could get worse if I keep playing.”

“What you saying, honey?” Helen asked as Lizzy whimpered and squirmed in her arms. “Ooh, I think she’s trying to tell me something. You hold on to that thought dear, I’ll be right back. I’m going to put her to sleep.” Helen took Christian’s hand and squeezed it a moment before going upstairs.

The phone rang then. Christian answered.

“Old boy,” said Cody “Sure Thing” Grant.

“Hey Sure Thing.”

“How’s the best goaltender in the league?”

“Well, buddy, not so good.”

“Yeah, I heard about it. Your brother-in-law gonna make it?”

“Doctors think so.”

“It’s a shame.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Well, I’ve got news that’ll cheer ya up.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Got a team to sign your old ass. How’s that buddy? Am I good or what?”

“You’re the best. You’ve been a good friend to me Sure Thing.”

“A good what? You feeling okay buddy.”

“I think I’m done.”

“Done what?

“Done playing.”

“What? We’re so close, close to this thing you’ve been working on. You have a couple more good years ahead of you buddy.”

“No, I don’t think so. Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you in the AM.”

Christian went to put the receiver down, held it a moment, and listened to his agent squawk on the other end. Then he hung up the phone and listened to his wife’s footsteps above him. She tiptoed around in their bedroom, where Lizzy’s crib was. In a bit she came down, having changed into her pajamas – a fluorescent green tank top with pink baggies.

“I ever tell you I love those pajamas,” Christian said to her as she walked to him. He held her for a long time. He thought about the early morning air on the farm where he and his sister grew up. Christian saw the way his sister swung her hockey stick, and how the puck came flying at him. He remembered the sky, how it was blue.

How it was good.


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